


the monster you think i am

by aslightstep



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, James "Rhodey" Rhodes & Tony Stark Friendship, Mind Bending, Tony Stark Has Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-03-12
Packaged: 2018-10-03 21:37:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10258982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aslightstep/pseuds/aslightstep
Summary: A thousand opportunities to be the man he saw in the mirror.





	

**Author's Note:**

> a drabble i wrote on tumblr that i'm moving over here because i'm crap at consistent tagging and i don't want to lose it. title comes from game of thrones.
> 
> Tyrion Lannister - "I wish I was the monster you think I am!"

* * *

 

_“You have to promise to go there as a friend.”_

* * *

“Captain,” Iron Man greets, taking his plated hands off the door he just wrenched open. Captain America lowers his shield, stepping off the stairs and towards the suit. “You seem a little defensive.”

“Well, it’s been a long day,” the Captain says with a smile. Iron Man ~~has a line here, something he’s supposed to say, something that breaks the dark tension, but he~~ remains quiet. The Captain’s smile drops. “Tony?”

 _No_ , Iron Man thinks. “Captain Rogers,” he says, and there is the sound of boots pounding down the hall from both directions. “Sergeant Barnes.”

“Tony!” The Captain pleads, stepping back towards where Barnes is crouching, whirling around, searching for the source of the sound before turning back to Iron Man. “What’s going on? What did you do?”

“What I had to,” Iron Man responds. _No_ , he thinks again, dimly, as if his thoughts were very far away. Soldiers dressed in heavy combat gear appear almost out of thin air, surrounding the Captain and Soldier and forcing them to the ground. 

“You’re under arrest,” Iron Man tells the Captain, who bucks under the soldiers’ grips until Iron Man levels a repulsor at his head. “Stay down, final warning.”

The Captain collapses, surrendering. “Why are you doing this?” he asks brokenly. 

Tony, watching it all unfold, shrugs his shoulders. “Have to protect myself, Cap. I hope one day you can understand.” 

Outside, Ross is waiting, and he smiles when he sees Iron Man with two super soldiers in tow. “Well done, Mr. Stark.”

Iron Man remains silent, but Tony keeps his eyes focused on the look of devastation on Steve’s face, the resigned defeat on Barnes’. 

“ _No_ ,” Tony says. “Not this way.”

* * *

_“Ultron can’t see the difference between saving the world and destroying it. Where do you think he gets that?”_

* * *

“FRIDAY,” Tony says quietly, watching the footage of Soldier’s rampage through the United Nations. “We still have complete access to the Compound, right?”

 _“Of course, Boss,”_ FRIDAY answers.  _“They couldn’t get rid of me if they tried.”_

And they had tried, of course they had. After Ultron, any AIs were bound to scare anyone. But Tony is smarter than that, smarter than them. So Ultron had been a failure, that didn’t mean the intent behind him didn’t have merit. FRIDAY is evidence of that. And they’ll see. Once they’re all safe, they’ll see he was right all along.

“Keep an eye on Wanda. I know Viz is keeping her company, but if she really wants out, he won’t be able to stop her. ~~Sentiment,” Tony says derisively. “~~ If she starts getting antsy, you know what to do.”

 _“You can count on me, Boss. I’ll keep her safe,”_ FRIDAY answers. Tony relaxes, relieved.

“And Barton?”

 _“He left his house three hours ago, but he’ll be stopped, don’t worry about it,”_ FRIDAY says. Of course she has eyes on the farmhouse. Tony has eyes everywhere, now.

“That’s my girl. Sharon Carter’s going to try to steal Cap and Falcon’s gear,” he warns, and his vision warps a little. _No_ , Tony thinks. _I don’t know that for sure, do I?_  “At least, that would be the smart plan,” he amends, and the nausea passes. “Make sure that doesn’t happen.”

_“On it, Boss. Anything else?”_

“Keep me updated on Cap’s location. I’ve got a meeting with a spider.”

Later on, at an airport, the Captain’s team is down two members and the Captain himself is missing a shield. They are taken down with ease and brought to the UN.

“Tony, you don’t understand,” the Captain is pleading, and even Rhodey looks dubious. “Zemo is going to unleash five super-soldiers on the world, we have to stop them.”

“If only you had told me about this earlier,” Tony snarks, watching as the Captain and his friends are put in holding cells. “Zemo isn’t going to do anything, Captain.”

“How can you know that?” Wilson asks, incredulous, and again Tony’s vision swims.

“I don’t know,” he admits. “But I know you’ll all be safer here. So sit down, shut up, and remember-” he points towards the camera in the corner. “I’ve got my eye on you.”

Tony watches as his hands flick through several feeds. Wanda, on the floor unconscious while Vision frets over her. Clint, held in a holding cell in a small town. The rest, pacing around their tiny cells. Barnes, back in his glass cage.

“I’m not sure about this one, either,” he says.

* * *

_“Hank Pym always did say never trust a Stark.”_

* * *

“There’s no reason for all of us to be there,” Tony says to his ‘team.’ Peter should be here but -

 _No._ Why would Peter be here? Tony had decided not to involve him. He didn’t need to, now. Not with his countermeasures in play.

“I will not allow Barnes to go free,” King T’Challa snarls, and Tony raises a hand. 

“He won’t. I swear to you, Your Highness, I will bring him back and you can have your vengeance.” He pauses, looking the king in the eye. “Your _very legal_ vengeance.” Like he cares what happens to Barnes, like he wouldn’t love to see His Royal Pantherness rip him to shreds-

 _No._ Tony has nothing against Barnes besides his psychotic alter ego. He wants him brought in safely, same as everyone else here.

He heads in with just Rhodes and confronts the Captain. “You did that when you signed,” Captain America tells him, sounding weary, and Iron Man feels anger still roiling distant in his mind at that.

“Oh, Cap,” he sighs, when the man flings his shield. He raises his hand and the magnetic strip he had developed but never attached to his suit ~~why would he need to, why would he need to take the Captain’s shield from him~~ activated, bringing the shield to his hand. “We do not have time for this.”

War Machine goes after Hawkeye and Scarlet Witch, knocking her out with the sonic blast ~~he had used before~~  and dismantling Hawkeye from a distance while Tony locks Captain America up tight with dampening cuffs he had developed for wayward villains long ago. Falcon’s EXO-7 has a weakness where the parachute is stored that Iron Man exploits to keep him grounded and the Winter Soldier is incapacitated when Iron Man and War Machine take out his arm. 

They are not kind. They are not friendly. These are not their friends.

 _No_ , Tony thinks. They’re his team, they’re desperate. This was just - this had to be done. For everyone.

Captain America breaks loose of his cuffs but Iron Man takes him down with ease, keeping his distance, shooting repulsors to box him in then hitting him with the tranquilizer that the Captain and Bruce Banner had developed years earlier to knock him out in case of medical emergencies.

There is one more fighter on the field, a Scott Lang that Iron Man wasn’t prepared for, but Tony somehow knows how to take apart his suit. Aim for the belt ~~Hope’s voice says as they look over schematics~~. So he does, and Ant-Man falls.

The fallen Avengers lay at their feet and Tony stares down at them. All those years watching them train, building their gear, planning their tactics. It was so easy.

“You’re kinda scary, man,” Rhodey tells him, faceplate up as he stares at Iron Man.

There is a trickle of blood coming out of Wanda’s ear from the sonic. Tony turns away. “Next time, we’re trying something else.” 

* * *

_“Are you incapable of letting your ego go for one goddamn second?”_

* * *

Tony’s head is killing him.

“For the last time, Rhodey, I am retired. I’ll happily sign the Accords if I rejoin the Avengers but for now I have a business to run.” He rubs at his head as Rhodey argues further. This is a tact he would have never dreamed of himself taking, but its best for everyone if he keeps himself removed from the situation. “Of course Cap is being dumb about this, Ross launched it on him out of nowhere…and I support you one hundred percent, honey-bear, but I’m gonna do it from my office while I sign paperwork and build the new face of prosthesis.”

Prosthesis? Not something Stark Tech is usually interested in but…Tony jots down some notes for himself. Could be big money there.

“Rhodes,” he finally says sharply when Rhodey keeps pushing. “The Avengers can take care of themselves. I’m not part of that team, remember? I left them. If they really needed me, they’d call for me themselves, but they haven’t. Until then, do us all a favor and leave me out of this.”

He hears that only Natasha and Rhodey have signed only after the UN meeting in Vienna gets bombed. And he thinks for a moment, of going and helping, maybe knocking everyone’s heads around because this seems like its gearing up to be an actual fight instead of a debate.

The whole thing is stupid, he decides. It’s a piece of paper. It’s a waste of his time. Rhodey calls again, complaining about Cap, and Tony can’t help but roll his eyes. “Cap’s always done whatever he wants, no matter the consequences. We have that in common.”

“Tony, they’re talking about shooting him.”

“No one’s shooting Captain America,” Tony says. “He’ll be fine. My advice? Just let him go. If he’s too stubborn to ask for your help then he doesn’t deserve it.”

Cap and his squad escape, the governments of the world chasing at their heels until they are caught and arrested in South America.

“Aren’t you going to help?” Natasha demands over the phone, and Tony hangs up on her. ~~He’s not getting close enough to let her stab him in the back this time.~~

Suddenly, the Avengers are no more. Tony would feel sorry about that, but he left that all behind a long time ago. Being a hero was a childish dream anyway, and its time they all learned that lesson. He makes his secretary screen all Avengers-related calls. It’s time he focused on himself again. 

The Accords are gone now, too. Problem solved, even though there were sacrifices along the way. He was right in the end, just like he always is.

Tony laughs at himself, so self-important in his huge chair at his huge desk in his huge office. Not a care in the world. “I haven’t worn that face in a while,” he says to nobody. “I’m not sure it suits me anymore.”

* * *

_“The futurist is here, gentlemen! He sees all. He knows what’s best for you, whether you like it or not.”_

* * *

He warns his team of the Accords ahead of Ross’ visit.

He informs Wanda of his intentions when he confines her to the compound. She agrees.

He stops Zemo in his tracks before the United Nations meeting in Vienna gets blown to bits.

He controls everything, guiding everything along the path he has chosen, the best possible path for everyone involved, and still they end up here.

It’s a bit different this time. There is no Barnes, and Wanda is on his side. Captain America has the backing of Coulson’s SHIELD agents, but Tony has Fury’s network of spies.

They are in the streets of New York City. The police are gathering to stop them. He stares at the Captain across the burning pavement.

“When is this gonna stop, Steve? I tried so hard to keep this from happening,” Iron Man says. “To keep you from tearing the Avengers apart.”

“You did that when you signed,” Captain Rogers says, ~~like he always will.  
~~

~~Like he always will, Tony takes the first shot.~~

“You made this war!” he screams at the Captain as they exchange blows. “You birthed it into existence by sheer force of will! And now look at you! King of the rebels!”

Around them things are burning. Captain America gets him on his back, knocks his faceplate away, and Iron Man’s hands brush through snowflakes on the ground. 

“I want to know, _Captain America_ ,” he snarls as the other man brings the shield up. “Was it worth it?”

The shield comes down.

It’s embedded in his neck. Tony runs his fingers along the gash as Steve tumbles off his body, horrified. “Interesting choice,” he says, as he bleeds out and his brain fades into unconsciousness. “But I can’t say I didn’t see it coming.”

* * *

Rhodey jerks him into awareness. “Tony,” his best friend is shouting, tearing something off his head. “Tony, are you okay? Talk to me, Tones.”

The BARF neural set lays twisted in Rhodey’s hands. “ _Save changes, Boss_?” FRIDAY asks from above, sounding worried.

“What the hell were you thinking?” Rhodey demands, pulling him out of his chair over to the sink, his gait still unsteady in his prototype prosthesis. He dunks Tony’s head under water and it runs red for a moment. Ah. Neural overload. No wonder about Rhodey, then. FRIDAY must have summoned him.

“I was cleaning out my closet. Trying on some old clothes. Didn’t mean to worry you, sour patch,” he says when he gets his head out of the sink.

“Clothes?”

“Mmhmm,” he hums, running shaking hands through his hands. “The different pieces of me. Been trying to match the man in the mirror.” The man they all talk about. The man they all saw across the tarmac.

“Tony, you’re not making any sense.”

If that’s the man they see, no wonder they hate him. 

Too bad, he supposes, that those old clothes don’t fit him any longer. 

He massages his neck, still feeling the trickle of blood down his throat from the last session, and waves his hand in the air. “I know, Jim. I’ll explain later. Shut it down, FRIDAY. Erase all progress.”

_“No save, Boss?”_

“No,” he says lowly. The man they see, the man he sees, the man in those memories - that man is not him. He has to believe it. “Not today.”

**Author's Note:**

> in case it was one hundred percent clear, tony is using barf to re-imagine ways the civil war could have gone down if he'd chosen different paths, and those different paths happen to relate to how outside sources view him. at the end he basically decides fuck those guys, this is my path and i'm sticking to it.


End file.
